Listening Versus Hearing.

I must admit, as a married man, I never knew how poor my listening skills were until my wife pointed this out to me. Ironically, it’s one of the areas in which I received the most compliments from my coaching clients. So, what does that mean?

As most married men will commiserate, we don’t always listen when our wives are speaking. Why is that? I have no doubt that 500 years ago, husbands and wives were also wondering about that same question. While I can’t speak for my entire sex, I do believe that, in my case, my mind is usually already on business when my wife starts talking with me. Frequently, she will ask, “Why did it take you so long to answer me?” When I answer the question honestly, the reason is that I was already in the middle of another thought when she started speaking and I had to resolve the thought in my head first and then think about what she asked me to formulate an answer. Do you find yourself doing the same thing?

While most married couples will agree this is a problem, more important is what to do about it. One of the things we tried to implement in our home is that when my wife starts speaking, I start listening. So, what exactly is the difference between hearing and listening? If you hear an airplane flying overhead, or an ambulance race past your house, you’ve heard both of these but they didn’t require you to listen for any more information. When you are in a conversation with someone, hearing requires more than just listening to the words. It also requires you to listen for the inflections and tone, plus reading the facial expressions and body language that accompany the verbal message.

As with most skills, the more you practice this, the more adept you will become. I highly recommend that you begin working on this with your spouse. Not only will you have the most opportunities to hone your listening skills and improve your hearing, it will also go a long way to improving the quality of your personal relationship. And one thing I’ve learned after 33 years of marriage, even making a sincere and genuine attempt to listen to your wife will be music to her ears.

“Hearing is listening to what is said. Listening is hearing what is said.” – Simon Sinek

Let me hear from you.



This excerpt is taken from the seminar entitled The Fine Art of Listening. I encourage you to click here to register for the exclusive live Zoom presentation of The Fine Art of Listening on Thursday, July 27, 2023 from 9 AM to 12 noon Eastern Standard Time.